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Someone who has suffered through a traumatic event could benefit from having the right type of both personal and professional support. This personal support involves knowing what to say, and what you should avoid saying, in order to avoid further affecting the trauma survivor. Here are a number of phrases that shouldn’t be said to trauma survivors, as well as a number of things that you can say, in order to support your loved one.
It’s Time to Move On.
The person must have enough time in order to process the traumatic situation. The usual processing pattern includes working through it in their minds and hearts, and then coming to a place of acceptance. Every person is different, and the length of the healing process is unique to each person.
It could not have been that bad.
This undermines the situation, making it seem as though the trauma doesn’t matter. To put it simply, a traumatic experience shouldn’t be undermined, ignored, or minimized in any way. What may be traumatizing to someone, may not be traumatizing to another person. This statement not only minimizes someone’s traumatic experience, but it also sends the message that the person is overreacting.
Stop Being Negative.
When someone is being negative about the situation, this could be a symptom of a bigger problem. For example, it might be a sign of depression, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness and helplessness, or even of suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, and lack of confidence. Telling someone to stop being negative is the same as telling them that they need to snap out of it.
If You Continue Dwelling On It, Then You’ll Never Move On
Making the trauma survivor feel guilty about the situation is not a good way to support them.
This statement can make them feel guilty about having the feelings and thoughts that they do. Don’t force them to put a timeline on their grief or to push through the processing stages until they’re ready.
Do You Think You’ll Ever Stop Being Depressed?
Depression is a complicated disorder that can come and go. Also, depending on the severity of the trauma, depression can change from mild to severe and then back again.
You’re a Survivor, So Quit Being a Victim
Being a “survivor” is categorized by having lived through a traumatic experience. Yes, the person lived through it and “survived”, but by saying this, you’re forcing your point of view on them.
Read: Big T vs Little T Trauma
It Could Always Be Worse
While this statement is inherently true since it can always be worse, do you really want to tell your loved one that? Just because someone’s problems are worse than the trauma survivors, this doesn’t make them any easier to process.
Why Didn’t You Say Anything Sooner?
People who’ve lived through a trauma more than likely have issues discussing what happened. They wonder if in anyone will believe them, and worry about anyone retaliating on them for talking about it. Instead of shaming the person for not coming forward sooner, tell them that they are strong for sharing it with you.
Quit Being So Uptight About It
People with PTSD (which could happen after a trauma) tend to feel edgy or jittery. They don’t have a choice in the matter. Some people with PTSD still have symptoms after undergoing treatment, and the symptoms can pop up when you least expect them to. If you’re bothered by the way a person with PTSD reacts to you being in their space or to something you said, try not to make it an issue.
It’s Time to Report What Happened to the Appropriate Authorities
Someone who has experienced trauma went through something that was completely out of his or her control. Telling them what to do puts you in control of the situation. Accept that everyone copes with trauma differently. If that person wants to go to the authorities, it is up to them.
Instead of saying all of those negative things to a trauma survivor, here are some things that will help, instead of hurt, the situation.
I’ll Be Here For You No Matter What
Yes, there definitely isn’t a timeline on recovery. Some people heal faster, while others need time to process what happened. It can be somewhat cyclical as well, as the trauma goes through stages. Knowing that someone is there for them will help.
I Know This Isn’t Fair
We all know that life isn’t fair. Sugarcoating the situation tends to make it worse. Instead, state what you know – that this isn’t fair at all. One of the many gifts we can give our loved one is the ability to share honestly how unfair everything feels.
Healing Is Possible, But It Takes Time
There are many stages of healing following a trauma, and everyone goes through this process differently. Understand that your loved one can cope and heal, but that it will take time. It won’t happen overnight, and it certainly doesn’t adhere to a time frame.
None of This Was Your Fault
Let your loved one know that they didn’t do this to themselves. They more than likely, deep down, already know that, but if someone else tells them, then they are more likely to believe it.
I Will Support You In Every Way That I Know How
This one is more about actions than words. Do enjoyable things with your loved one, and encourage them to try to do at least one enjoyable thing each day. You may need to help them come up with some ideas. Try asking them what activities they used to enjoy before the traumatic event, or making some suggestions. As long as you don’t try to plan the activities for them, it could help.
Do You Want to Talk About It?
This phrase gives the survivor permission to choose what they would like to do. Offering a survivor the opportunity to choose gives them a sense of control, which is something that they lost when they went through that situation.
We’re so happy to see you’re taking significant steps to heal and move on from your traumatic experiences. If you think we can help, please fill out this form so a representative from our team can get in contact with you. We also offer online counseling for people in California, Colorado, and Texas.
One thing I have not seen in any articles in what not to say to someone struggling with ptsd is “Let it go”. Or “make the choice to be happy”. Or “don’t care”.
I sooo wish people would stop saying “let it go”. It’s actually cruel because people suffering with ptsd are not choosing to have ptsd and the symptoms are intrusive and can be down right crippling. 🙁
That’s 100% facts – it hurts so much when someone tells me “to just let it go” and it doesn’t have to be about the trauma if it’s a similar situation it’s the same – why don’t they get it?
I really thought I had dealt with my trauma however. I realize I haven’t. I am hyperviglent. I have no trust and make excuse for any one who displays such traits. I grew with parent who were emotionally unavailable and raised my daughters that way. I am healing at the age of 50…and making myself emotional unavailable to others. In hopes of healing and fighting my demons. I currently take Prozac..and it is helping..I have spent my whole life in trauma and want to be “normal”. I am learning everyday!!! Keep fighting the fight!!!
Hi Margeret, I too can relate. I’m 51 and I’m struggling to connect with anyone. I never thought this was an issue for me. And now, due to chronic illness and an emotionally abusive partner I’m lost in a prison of isolation. I too trust no one.though I want to connect with everyone.
I can truly relate. I’ve had my share of traumas and some PTSD to boot. It really pisses me off when people including some family members and frenemies say ” Let it go; You need to move on to grow, etc.” I went back at them and said some “not so nice” statements and didn’t feel any compunction about it. They say they try to help, but truly don’t care. That’s when I reward myself more and travel to get away from it all.
I just want to let you know that I hear you
They do get it. They are just not in a space to receive the negative energy you are putting out. It’s like watching a sad movie over and over again. It is stressful to deal with someone’s mental illness, and because you are wrapped up in your own thoughts, you ignore social cues that you should stop talking about your trauma to that particular person. That is what mental health experts are for. Speak with a certified therapist who is willing to take on your negative energy.
If not, you may ruin your relationship with a good friend, or worst, drive them into depression.
You could use some support, as well, as you appear to be lacking in compassion. You are fortunate to not have had to experience trauma but I assure you, if you did, you would not want support like yours.
My article is not as nice as yours.
12 things Never to Say to a Traumatized Person
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/12-things-never-say-traumatized-person-gretchen-smith?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_android&utm_campaign=share_via
I’m in Belize but am a resident of california and have medicare. Is counselling online available to me?
Yes I agree. Other people have no idea about ptsd and as they find it uncomfortable they say Let it roll off your back, choose happiness or you are reacting wrongly to my yelling at you and you are the problem or lie and tell you their behavior didn’t cause your dissociation. It was your ptsd. It can get confusing and hurtful because their weird logic can mess up your brain like other abusers have done. I just want to stay away from most people and their defensive lies.
Yes, I agree. People really don’t care. I can definitely relate. It’s always about them. That’s why I stopped talking to family members.
YES. My own THERAPIST told me to LET IT GO. That’s when I finally quit seeing heR!!!!!!!!!! Of course, I’d already bought her a car and more things.
May I ask why you are buying your therapist a car? Seems like they were getting more out of therapy than you🤔
I am guessing the comment about buying the therapist a car and more things meant that it cost that much in money to see a the therapist who’s advice was let it go. In other words -I am guessing this person feels cheated for paying so much money to get crappy advice.
Absolutely, my boss keeps telling me i just need to “move on” from my trauma bc i keep having trauma responses at work and its starting to peeve me off
I think she meant, the high fees added up to the price of a car and then some but she didn’t literally go out and buy her a car
This.
let it go
Yes and a so-called friend said to me “there are a lot of people worse off than you”. This did a number on me and I felt guilty and later ended the friendship and consequently I am even more isolated.
😔😔😭😭, I can relate
I blocked everyone who were thinking that they were helping me to heal while they were making my trauma even worse, they were forcing me to do more than my mental health can handle , and when I was trying to explain myself always, another day of meeting them they were gaslighting about me always even in their texts,so I couldn’t handle it and now I feel even better after removing them from my life for good.
As long as we know what we are going through believe me that one day we will overcome it if we don’t give up to fight against it for ourselves, otherwise not everyone can understand us .and it’s very rare to find the one who can understand you the way you are ,but it’s possible too sometimes..
Look up ” what not to say or do to a PTSD victim. Wish I could send you the link but it won’t let me.. I did however take a screenshot if I could figure out how to forward it to you. If you want to PM me you can. Otherwise I would like to know if you found it. It’s like eight major things not to say or do to the victim. I hope this helps
Or when an adult tells a child if you are good this would not happen or you made me do this……..
I love it when my mom says, “I’m not a dr, I can’t fix you. Get off ur lazy ass and go to a dr and get help”. Her statement is in response to when I tell her I just need her to listen to me sometimes and just be there. Not have a response or negative mood and roll her eyes…
“Get help!” is also supposed to be a good thing to say but is actually often not. Yes, everyone knows that’s the pat answer. But it ignores that many people have taught help, been mistreated or inappropriately treated by the medical community (psychiatry has done some horrible things and -can be- INCREDIBLY abusive). PTSD often worsens under psychiatric care, especially when people are shamed for needing anxiety medication that actually works (not just useless SSRIS) and when they are locked inside, even if it’s only temporary (for an evaluation). Put these two together and you get a person who will NEVER, ever, seek “help” again. The “help” community needs to improve it’s treatment of patients because right now, it often makes them worse.
Oh my so true I’ve learned from experience to stay well clear of psychiatric services especially in stay units, they are the opposite of what’s needed or helpful for trauma/CPTSD
so demeaning & controlling environments
As well as ridiculously unsafe when it comes to assault & sexual assault.
That’s what my psychiatrist told me; move on, it’s in the past; that was a long time ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart! My prayers are always with survivors and have used it as a healing tool!
I often express to many questions that one of the hardest things was unsolicited comments that were so insulting! I knew they ment well yet until your in that position there’s not anything closer to a knife to he heart most the what not to say!
I was intolerant of toxic relationships and had life long small town friends! I busted my ass to become the first to graduate high school and then eventually collage with honors!
It was so amazing to know that the girl who was never going to be anything like my brothers! I herd that more then can count.
I chose to do my heart and believe that the offs may look small but anyway who knows me I’m anything but predictable in my drive to succeed or reach a goal! Graduation college with honors in fashion design blew me away! As I’m also honored to say I won my first award just before in detroit for my Original fashions!
After trying not only to do it right I did it regardless of nonsense pain at the disaster. That was my family loosing my brothers at age 6 and only support from my extended family of aunts and a few far but amazing friends!
That’s when I thought my dreams were shattered for good!! As I study for my exam with a classmate near school; in the 2nd safest city in Michgan.
My just beginning life was forever changed in a few seconds that night of Jude 4th as I was not likely turned my head 10 seconds before a masked gunman was in the 2nd floor balcony holding a gun to my head as I never even had seen one before! As we were bound hands and feet then held for hours stealing everything of value including my car! I’ve accepted this is my new normal and seen any help I can!
One I hoe is to do public speaking for youth to hell then know that although it’s not easy it’s possible and my goal is to use my love of fashion design to build confidence in all women beach’s I know the value in this!
If I can reach one child that doesn’t take theirs life because they gained some hope it’s possible it’s all worth it!
I what I am soo beyond grateful for is your help on the what not to say! One of the hardest as well as currently the comments like this that are extremely offensive!! One for me was at least your ok!!i don’t know what planet ok was on! I looked ok I was nothing close!
Beautiful advice from a trauma survivor! #ellarosemaui #warriorprincess #fashionforacause
Main problem was losing my mother at 10 years old. She died in front of me and I had to endure 3 days of funeral services, and watched her being lowered in her grave. Not allowed to talk about it.
I am so sorry you went through such a shocking and tragic experience!!!
Yes I was treated and left to do a marathon of training in non-defensive communications to make my abuser stop his covert verbal abuse I just eventually was have ptsd every two hours due to too much verbal abuse. I was a mess and the counselor made it worse as she treated me with regular counseling and not abuse counseling which is wholly different. It wasnt until I found domestic violence groups where I found incredible help and it saved me. I went to a psychiatrist and all I remember were the fish in his office. I guess those fish were the best therapy for me. That summer I just started at the river for hours. I really am Leary of counseling and those who make it your fault too for their abuse. Wrong!
I have not seen “I don’t believe you” or “Did that really happen?” or “You seem totally normal. No one would act normal if that happened to them”
I just lost 2 of my best friends because they refused to believe my trauma.
I cannot tell you how much I can relate. I am, at 37, still trying to convince my entire family that what my grandfather did to me at 11 truly happened. I am so sorry anyone would make you feel the same way. I believe you, and I love you
I too am a survivor of sexual abuse at the age of 11. I am 53 years old & haven’t told anyone except my husband. He & I have been together for 19 years & I only told him about it year ago. I recently received a message from a woman through ancestry dna stating she is my cousin on my dad’s side of the family. Come to find out, my abuser isn’t my birth father. My birth father was never in my life & I was raised from birth by this man whom I’ve been told my entire life is my dad. It’s all making sense now. It hurts so much. I’ve not said anything to my mother about the dna results. So now I’ll deal with that trauma on top of what happened to me at 11 years old by my “dad”
Kay, I have had to “act normal” after trauma in early adolescence. Things happened and got pushed under the rug and that was it. No talking about it or asking how I am feeling or counseling. Just blame on my part when I had no control over what happened and someone else coerced me. I’m still trying to heal after 40 years…. for some people we have had to block it out because of how it was dealt with at the time.
I get it. Me too.
I WAS IN A VERY ABUSIVE relationship, for
5+ years.. It was EXTREMELY PHYSICAL, FULL OF MENTAL & VERBAL torture!! Even EXTREMELY, I’ve been away from him for years, I’m remarried, reunited with my 3 sons, working a full time job going on 5 years…
SOMETIMES I still feel panicky, over anxious, scared of what’s ahead or around the corner, terrified to 100% completely trust people (especially my husband), to let my guard down & be me ( my true self), and in some past situations like at work, having a regular disagreement makes me get all tongue tied to the point I stutter, break down in tears, wanting to run & never look back, but my husbands been there going on 9 years & I can’t do that to him, but it’s made my boss man look at me differently, like I’m crazy, definitely treating me completely different than he does everyone else….All this has brought up old feelings and thoughts about myself, within me causing me to be kinda withdrawn, a little depressed at times…It’s starting to actually show in my work, in our family & home life’s…I’m withdrawn, and reflecting alot. I never got the help I should have because of being ashamed & finances….
What is wrong with me?? Instead of actually healing like I thought, did I just push it way down until its literally busting out?
Is this possible after years have passed or am I actually going crazy??
No. Grief isn’t one and done with. I doubt you pushed it down. It’s just time to deal with it some more. Nothing is wrong with you.
Get another job. Sounds like a toxic environment with someone who has no understanding of people or sensitivity. I find that with my ptsd it is an early warning system. 2 months before my landlord went off on me I had put a lock on the door and she had been happy all the time with her husband. Well not. I received her anger and frustrations and was blamed. She stood outside my door and intimidated me to talk with her. 15 times me saying no go away. Trust your ptsd. You can learn some ptsd diffusing skills but I for one think most ptsd doesn’t vanish but use it wisely. It’s so honest.
Hi,
Yes, it’s entirely possible. I had a lot of lifelong trauma which I totally thought I “worked through” but somehow, I never really felt ok or like a real person?
Finally I had a genuinely good therapist who helped me work through it. She said to imagine my mind like a closet, and that throughout my life when something traumatic happened, initially I was too young to know how to handle it, so I “put it in my closet to clean up my room, or mind” and then throughout my life, I just had other things I had to deal with that felt more important in the moment and I had already developed the coping skill of putting things in the closet to cope, which is really how disassociation works. Eventually, just like a real closet, it became too full and everything fell out on top of me and I was… well quite literally buried under all my crap.
I had to actually face it, sort through it like a real closet and process it to get rid of it.
It was hard, VERY HARD, but so worth it, I never realized how much I was actually worrying all the time about what was hiding in my closet even though I didn’t really know consciously I guess that it was there, but it was so much better when it was empty.
You can do this!!! There’s A LOT OF bad therapists but there are good ones too, I wish you the best
Dear asma Rehman.
Just seeking some insight into making me know again that this was not my fault . at end of being dosed for six years with intentional fails and abuse torture after an extreme mortal wound of worst kind and sent back to a hell it took me 24 years to get it and have the second lives of second life story and i can tell you how hard i worked and hd to work to push that boulder. it was a very extreme tset of wits because at onset i was not responsile for the father who did what he did to me an insane person who started the trigger trauma and lies hysteria and had MD, a clueles man. I diagnose and cured my own bulimia. at age 15, went to his medical books. A little affirmation here about this story and it not being me would be great. I manage to lose 11 year of life be tortured by a man who took my healing of going to med books 15, and got to art school 17 came home 18 healed and unbroken beaming and slap in face. im sure my sister is in denial who shelter a murderer and married him also in her choices. I chose to pattern my life against the abuse personality traits of family and chose god. Not drugs and alchol and did diagnose an cure my bulimia in art school witness my dark ride and sister and brother who also went to school but not slap in face. brother was taken to shrink, sister just drop out and brother drop out both got cars. olde sister was pulled out of art school as i was and she became the cycles of anger and damage family i was aware and studied them from a young person to pattern my life as sane and healthy they became them despite im go suffer 11 years of torture they did not. my brother and sister got cars. i came home honors and slap in face gotten ajob then a life sentence. my father wanted a happy kid working as camp sports councelor to be mentally ill disabled ( i was like the healthiest kid on earth and came up unbroken over bulimia honors and a guy in art school said he feared for me to go home. I did not seem daunted). the end of that summer lead to my torture and to years of hell 11 loss of education abuse and induce deadly cptsd by a insane confused man with a MD who could not tell truth and lied and the family are just like im i was from natural i was tortured for being who i was and jelousy also is at play here and abuse and cover ups.
11 years of hell and abuse after a night mare end of summer after a happy summer, and bright, i walk into a drs office for a routine physical and then sent to a shrink. because my father wanted to stop me from being an artist. i had NO COMPLAINTS and smiling a young young kid and healthy. i apreciated not being sick and i did not take drugs or drink and came up happy. My family deluded themself of this story to want me to be sick even when i suffered and began to be turn into what they wanted and resisted and then escape and they came after me with LOVE BOMB, it makes no sense becuase they either fear for me to prove them insane and escape an speak again after they gagged me and kept me down and persons said they were going to kill me. I had just 24 years befor murder began as i was going to hit IT> it it in life story saves.
A jelous cousin calling me bout meeting that guy who said he fear for me to go home. who was become a famous artist ) at a party but not hey are you ok. im here and hang out. she compete and is the filth ofall of tem are same dirty insane toxic..
Shes compete in jelousy an wheni walk out of hell into jobs with famous artist and gallery shes right there looking for door in and i was not the trash of my family i was the star.. i held on to integral throrugh hell and was not a slob. pig or dirty player or creep as my family are all trashed.
I walked out of them to save my life and they came after me to have me or stop me. ???? Is it me. i was unbroken and had suffer isolated abuse by them and insulted and kept silenced and told i had to be mentally ill from a lie my father told and he told me what his motie was about art school.? even when i tell this story my sister is out there trying to shut me up. silence me and try to undermin my rigths.
when to took a leap of faith out f them into my real world and jobs dragging behind me torture and abuse and hell. i began my program to heal from Munchausen by proxy torture and what my friends said. An evil persons ( sister and family) trying t keep me unsuccessful. actually i had a very evil invisible spirit torture and sielnce me and i began to think its the sister who stalked me when i cut them off for what reason. when i was right in front of her she pissed on me shit on me and ice cold but when i began to escape was love bomb.. I did not weaken i got stronger and removed them took enough of loss of 11 years and 24 to reach my dreams and heal and fix it all. they want to rewrite my story as what they said it was where i kept guard of me and turn me into me not what they almost turn me into and they do not have remorse.
i was crippled with ptsd from them and almost lost my life and i removed them who laugh at it all and are about them not me. denial and lies.
I began to thrive. i began at age29 walking out of a prison and was lucky to heal and get jobs? yes i walked out of feral into jobs with famous artist and regain my speach and social function from feral and taking years.. i had no help but a boss and gallery job and most of time people took me as fool and also fear that your not. nothing of respect or true but what people cant ride you for.
I did god cause it was only thing i had and obviously i had more of it than them all. it took work to fix and prayer and i was travel and heal and going up.
i am amzed at the progress of me and my own self insight where drs failed abuse and insuloted me refused to see the real and damage me. so i cut off all of negatives and did me pure and me and god again clean up to heal topof world..
six years ago a man who i knew was a pill of my famiy disease on form of a artist or black man was put in front of me and i was wing monkey in abuse for years. i escape abusers to get back ausers in and failed. i manage to do 24 years of young healthy life and my family could not get to me again . wing monkeys were sent to abuse me and failed. six years ago again the pill game for me to take up the man was not working and so he was forced on me which took me from a miracle standing up after remove abuse and put me into a persons life who god tell me and sense was not m monkey or circus and i was not in that lane and it could lead to death.
He was used as who my father was at the top of my healing stages and to take me down induce trauma and go into blame me induce mortal wounds by a death punch game because i was not taking to him or in his life or trap. i was to smart for persons using him to kill me and then it all went bad. he moved into my lane in an assault on me and strange and disable me instanlty it took 24 years as an artist given a brand new second chance to have it all the healing and to be orginal unbroken.. this man was worst of worst worst to put in mu path for reason of he would be taken care of . my boss support died.. and if something happen to me i be done.. no one was caring about me but god had me a sister i could feel to await for me to die and go down.
No one had me but i was alive with god. the man hit me in a death punch and sent me to hell and did every damage in one second and i was sent to hell and brain damage by an attack insult and a neurological insult that took me from a brain miracle to heal to locked in and go into shock and grief as i egan to die. in front of a stranger who di not care about who i was and i began to suffer and die. in six years no dr gave me care i was being sent to hell and abuse passive agressive and all whild drs failed …. i went from watch me defy abuse odds and my brain heal and turn into the perfect person to sucker punched by a stranger from behind and sent to hell and trying to cope i was immidiatley sentto hell and i could not process this or heal asi was drag in and under abuse sexual insulted while i was made a puppet between jelous persons and fuckery of this man and people tied to him and me being forced to die in game out of jelousy and i avoided this for a reason. i had sufer to many diversions and trauma in my free life and i wanted to be with me . the man violanted my space and over power me took me from god an i saw hell and god removed and my brain damage and left unable to heal and drs then were told to ignore me.. they did with others dose me with all wrong and abuse me and a family who began to do it all wrong and think they could excuse it by not care.. began to kill me pushed me back into it by bad drs and i was induce cancer by the grief and six years of hell and left to die in streets alone driven to lose 24 years while said man with issues took a perfect person and death punched me to lower me and take over me and detach me from god and women would then come to help im and kill me. it began six years of hell and i was a perfect 200 of ten and man who has a certain place in life and others who used him to do this as he has subtance ego and other issues. now i was induce them after i did not take up the cycles of trama and survived a horror. My sister sat and watch and listen to me die and family abuse me in all worst never asked me. what happen. and i was trying to contact FBI and others becaues other shit was going on of ex murder and abuse threats and i began to die alone from fails and n one remove me or treat mu wounds and drs abu se me to death.. I asked point blank to see a PTSD dr and they refused and so did family . my sister got cancer and was fed a crowd fund. she has house car kids and husband and fake life. i was left dying without tools alone and beging terrorized and abuse to death while she brag about her care i was silneced to die. the man being taen up as game to torture me and me never given care and turn to a mentally ill street person .. so others could abuse me also.. start fuckery games and i began to lose my life to cancer and brain damage and aphasia and death.. .1. all i asked for was concern to not die. all right as standard and 3. ptsd care. 4. to be heard and neuro care and told i was abusive. i can not write or speak and or make money and i was a genius. they said. i was not well. then and not wel now . that is it. they did not ask or care id lose 24 years of miracles and progress of ask if i was in danger.. they refused to get ptsd dr making me feel that was abuse also. and i was just not well for asking. People deprived me of means to find m ex roomates who said my familywere going to kill me and i began to suffer extremes of grief shock abuse and torture to die alone a sick and ragic person from a whole young young person. it took one second for this man to scope me out and hit me with something and no one helped me. hes got women to do it al and people and i was left being beaten up as if its a contest . i did my time already and i could not do one more..
Please please let me know as i die it is not me. so god will take me up and punish the wicked involed m family are the road to hell is paved by them.. and the ex bf who jelous of me and all of the creeps before him who sought revenge and used a man in a dirty way..
I thought I was a writer! My writings usually fly right over others heads as the take morsels out to stick with with like a dagger. Say it! Speak out. We were silenced.
Dear Margaux, it is not your fault. God will avenge you. Please 🙏 you have to leave them right now. Just pack a sweater and a sandwich and your passport and you need to walk out the door. Don’t look back. I got help from CARDV. Council Against Rape and Domestic Violence. They are open 24-7. 1-541-754-0110. Based in the USA 🇺🇸 They can help you make a plan of how to safely leave the situation. God bless you. I go to Life Church Online. They will not help you leave but it’s a place that you can go to church online and they can chat with you and pray with you in the Discord group. Please don’t delay and please go now. Let God handle them.
i was assaulted as part of scheme by an ex to make my life end child hood end happiness end make me need a straight jacket and never see light of day again. seems every person in my life who abuse me might have same idea to do to me because i esdccape and survived induce trauma care alone when no dr or anyone reported abuse remove me from ,y family or ask. I did the work 24 years. i was put in path of person who should not ever be near me and induce hard core abuse but i stood up to it. i was munchausen by proxy as teen ager and my family denied it but wanted my life and anything they could feed off me to get to be me. delusional and abusive. I got the perfect life ending but was put in path of abusive dangerous minded sick vengeful. i escape to stand up and keep go to my dreams. six years ago a person with larer issues than the smaller ones and a talent it would seem for undermine others mind and to death punch me as stranger in hotel. i was very good from my life story with certain thing in medical an dmind and natural . i was unbroken and wnt to me bwith me and not into others issues after i escape death and could not afford more abuse. as result a person who was suffering and needy and greedy. took a shot to undermine my ties of god who kept me. i had very bad support my boss died and i was with god and good. i had left a list of them who were distraction not loves of my life. i was the happy healthy on eof the whole story and regain my life and that did not settle with my family who wanted me to be the sick one. I left them and retain myself… No dr helped me. i had to do god and me and i got there. so when this man hit me i was a miracle and he destroyed me in a flash and left me to suffer the end of world im not sure what his miotive was or some style to introduce himself and put his issues in my face or just no respect and cover it up to use, im not sure but sadly for me and himself it induce mortal wounds on me and left me to suffer broken oblliterated my mind and left me induce a list of sickness in one second. i knew he was not go be able to take up my life or fix this because he had issues he could not fix.. i was left to die in a sad manner and it induce mental break down mental illness all kinds of , depression brain damage in on esecond. like im saw god removed and man with issues stranger take the place and my soul deleted this was part of a cruel game. jelousy involved and my being blessed. it was so hard to carry my ball that far i went mad and was left trying to get medical care for all and aphasia loss of speach and brain damage all worst. i was not ever cared for and the cancer drs insulted me ghosted me despite i told them to not damage me more the were calous and laugh at me, and insulted me call it all drama as i lost my chances to recover from failures . my family abused me to , and ignored my needs . So now im left . im suig all of them involved thanks for some insight that i was so badly cared for it lead to cancer and death as much a loss of means to thrive i was a super star and super hero.
This seems so correct to me and has made me feel a little better.
I was torturered to within an inch of my life at a young age and went on to marry an abusive man. Needless to say, I have PTSD. I’ve always protected my family by not talking about it too much. Recently the abusive ex has returned to the vicinity of where I live (we share a child). This has uncovered so many painful memories and flashbacks for me. I’ve wanted to talk to my parents about this, as I’m lonely and can’t keep it buried. My father cuts me off and says “Don’t talk about it”. He unfortunately has terminal prostate cancer and has become very reflective of late. His dying and pretty much only life advice to me is “Forget about the past”
It breaks me down every time. I’ve never in my life felt so bad about myself and like I want to die. Everything is so hard because noone has validated my feelings and I don’t think, pushing it down further inside me is at all good. My therapist in fact says it’s counter-intuitive, but I cannot get my Dad to understand and don’t want that to be his dying message to me, because I’m going to fail him every day. I’m so confused.
Hi Catherine
I see your confusion and pain. Have you ever thought about talking to a trauma hotline? One like CARDV? I’m asking because they have helped me for years. They are 1-541-754-0110. I talk to them about long past trauma and more current trauma and they are able to help me understand and process a lot. They are based in Oregon and are open 24-7. I hope this helps. Try to remember that you cannot control what your father says and that he will say whatever he wants and you can’t change the things he chooses to say. But you can call the hotline to talk about how it makes you feel and you can try praying or going to Life Church Online if you want a Christian community to pray with. I’m saying that because I go there. They have a Discord group that we talk and pray in. I’m saying all this to try to be helpful because I’m a human trafficking survivor who has been through lots of trauma and I like to try to help others.
Have you ever talked to a domestic violence and abuse hotline? I like talking to CARDV about past trauma and more recent trauma. They are so good at helping me process it. They’re based in Oregon and the hotline is 1-541-754-0110. I also like to go to Life Church online for prayer.
I told my friend my trauma and her response “ why are you telling me this? Get over yourself it’s really not that hard”
Maybe it’s time for me to move on from my husband. Since I opened up to him when we were dating he was so mad with me and asked me why didn’t I tell him sooner and we hadn’t been dating for a year yet when I opened up. Since then I regret it because we are almost 10 years together and during arguments he brings it up all the time , he told all of his family and tells me I’m crazy and need therapy. Also during an argument he shouted at me “ That’s why you fucked your father”. He doesn’t apologize and thinks it’s ok. I feel so stupid that all these years I’ve been triggered by him and in pain. Sometimes I feel like just not living but I would never do anything to hurt myself. Plus I have a beautiful baby boy. Yes I have a baby with him. I have no parents because they are both dead and during arguments he tells me “ that’s why I have my parents and yours are dead”. The things he says is so hurtful. He smokes weed several times a day and he can’t sleep without smoking weed. I feel so conflicted now. I feel dumb. I’m in pain. I was molested and abused by my father since I was 5 years old I have PTSD from it that affects me unconsciously. He never had sex with me he would touch me and have me do things. My husband makes me feel like I am wrong all the time. I didn’t open up to him at first about anything and he was pissed. He has not been nice to me. I don’t know why he wanted to marry me because he says he wished he met someone that has no trauma.
You’ve stayed because somewhere deep inside you wished he would change. Don’t ever blame yourself. You can live without him, just you and your son, but on your time. I will say the sooner you can get away from his narcissistic attitude the better you can heal from it. And vent to someone about it too, you can’t hold all your feelings in. It was never your fault – remember that. You owe no one an apology or any explanations. Take care of yourself first.
I think the worst part about my traumatic experience was the emotional abuse that my parents put me through afterwards. My own mother, who used to physically hold me down as a child, told me ‘it wasn’t that bad.’ She told me that she had it worse, and was clearly skeptical over the fact that I thought I had PTSD. She’s an incredibly toxic person who also gaslights, lies, and steals from me. She wouldn’t even let me have a lock on my door because she wanted access to my room whenever she felt like it. And when I told her that I would buy and install a door with a lock myself, she threatened to call the police on me…which wasn’t an idle threat. And I had no support system whatsoever. Everyone was either contributing to the trauma or didn’t give a damn. Talking is easier now, but I still don’t have anyone who gives a damn that I can rely on for support. You women have it EASY. You stub your toe and 5 people run over and ask if you’re fine. People actually CARE about your issues. But us men…nobody gives a damn about us.
Well I’m sorry to hear of your trauma. I believe you. I’m a human trafficking survivor and I know my mom raped my brother and no one really cared so she was able to turn him into a rapist who tortured me and made child porn of me and grew up to be a vicious criminal. Rapist. So yeah I know men and 10 yr old boys like my older brother can and do get victimized by women especially mothers. But when you said “you women have it easy and 5 men will come help you if you need it” I found that to be abusive and not true. Try not to take out all of your pain from your mother on all the rest of the women in the world. No one ran to help me. I’m a female. Most people actively oppressed me and left me to get tortured and murdered by my mother and all the rest of my family and pedophiles. So try to not hurt other people who survived torture on here who happen to be women because most of us are women posting here and no one came running to help us. We were actively silenced by our abusers same as you. So the more compassionate thing to say is people who get abused are not getting the help they need. But there are more centers for women to go than for men. However in the centers that I went to go where I was supposed to be safe, I was not safe at all but was tortured by rapist monsters who were residents or staff or husbands of staff. So most safe havens are actually traps with at least one predatory man waiting to attack and or kill at vulnerable women running away from abusive men or mothers. So what I can offer to you is the CARDV hotline for domestic violence that I call often to work through my trauma. I know that they have a man who works there and they have the necessary training and they also have a lot of women workers. But you can ask to talk to the man and can if he’s there. The number is 541-754-0110. It’s open 24-7 and is in Oregon. For me it also helps to go to Life Church Online and pray 🙏 in their Discord group. They have more men there if you need them to talk or pray with you. I’m doing this for you because I’m trying to be helpful by providing support and resources. What you do next is your own choice. God bless you. ❤️
I believe you, and I’m a woman. Don’t generalize women, however.
No one came running to save me. My family of origin still buries their heads in the sand about my brother sexually abusing me, a high school guy “friend” sexually assaulting me (which they know nothing about, and even though it wasn’t rape, he didn’t have consent to touch me at all… Didn’t even ask me).
I have CPTSD now as a result of the LACK of support, and I’m female. I HAVE cried out for help. “Get over it. Suck it up. That was just childhood curiosity. What did we do that you hate us so much?! Stop wallowing in self-pity! You have a victim mentality. You need therapy.”
I’ve heard it all and been dismissed even for years before I started speaking about it. Severe emotional neglect, near constant verbal and emotional abuse witnessed every day as a child with 6 kids who were being emotionally and often physically neglected and sometimes physically abused by parents or each other because it was “normal” to us.
Don’t think everyone comes running to women just because we cry for help. They do not. We get crappy people in our lives, too, who ignore our pleas for help. My therapist has had to work his a** off to earn my trust, and it’s taken about 3 years for him with all his advanced training to do so because of all the trauma family and “friends” have caused me.
And I kept literally wanting to run out of the room or physically hit him just to test him to see if he’d treat me shitty when I act shitty just like everyone else when I’m not behaving my best because I get overwhelmed easily.
Not going to discount your traumas, and women also get lost and miss getting the help they need due to various reasons. Mine was mainly due to severe dissociation and head trauma. I couldn’t remember everything that happened to me, and what I did remembered didn’t feel that big of a deal until I was around healthier people and it started to hit me what I endured as a kid. I have sobbed SO hard for 3 years straight, and no one buy my therapist, and new coworkers (strangers, initially) have held me through it. No family members have actively tried to seek therapy with me to help me heal or help understand me.
I have had to make all the necessary strides in my own healing and leave them all behind, which caused me added grief and heartache, like survivors guilt because I’m coming out of these patterns and feel guilty leaving my family behind in their own hell they don’t even recognize.
Please don’t think all women won’t believe you. I’ve seen my sexually abusive brother tormented by what he did to me, and what my parents did to both of us by not teaching us and by not setting boundaries and guiding each of us. What my brother did was wrong, AND it was on out parents to protect both of us as kids. They miserably failed me and him, but my other siblings, too. I have 4 brothers, so I’ve seen the damage a mother or woman can cause her son(s) personally.
Something I’d like to stress, is that people ARE victimized . Comments that imply someone who has been victimized is simply not taking control of their life or is somehow WRONG or weak because they’re struggling to deal with the consequences of having been victimized— is counterproductive in every possible way.
People take that stance because they THINK they would handle the trauma of being victimized so much better— and I’m afraid that’s simply not the case. They’re kidding themselves.
This is why a VICTIMIZER continues to get a free ride. They are not fully held accountable.
I got asked “Why didn’t you escape?” “You must have wanted it.” When I did explain it to someone I thought i could trust, he told his friends then demanded I explain in detail, my experience to his friends, so they would think him so wonderful for helping me. Except he was aggressively retelling my story to me when he did this, missing important details and retraumatizing me over and over again.
No one understands. The stress associated with using words to describe it, while people stare at you, can be even more difficult than the actual event. It achieves nothing. No one can help, they only make it worse. Often the event can have no witnesses, so it is your word against theirs. So they never get any consequences. It is the victim/survivor who suffers all the consequences.
How can people be so cruel? Yet want sympathy for minor daily issues that are not even traumatizing. Where do they get off?
Have any of you been immersed into war, shot, or taken a life, Not what i was looking for, just a Buch of snowflakes here.
I really think this is the wrong place to be belittling, name-calling, or asking people to divulge their personal Intermatic information. As survivor story is for the Survivor to tell when they’re ready. I can’t believe that the Moderator reading these comments allowed that to stay here, without any other survivor of trauma, trafficking, and/or sexual exploitation
You may get the “usual” no sir/ma’am but I was molested, prostituted by a “family” member. Had an attempted gang rape where one of them went into detail about cutting off body parts to “save for later.” Gotten a black eye more than once, throat punched and held down why the person threatened to set you on fire. “But I shot that person, snow flake.”
My therapist told me to get a hobby. She said don’t be an activist in the movement. That’s not gonna help anyone. You just need to get a hobby to take your mind off things.
I feel like crying everyday all the time but it’s because of the things people say to me. My dad has yelled at me so many times I’m just used to it. I’m used to not talking about my problems, not even with my therapist. If I tried, I would be denied sympathy.