10 Signs You and Your Partner Need Couples Counseling

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Asma Rehman, LPC

Asma Rehman is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. Most of her clinical experience has been in community settings, including Bo’s Place, Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, and psychiatric hospitals. She also has experience in the private practice setting. She enjoys working with adults and families to navigate the challenges of life, whether they are personal, with family, or with peers. Areas of interest include grief and loss, depression, anxiety, trauma, stress management, relationship issues, and family communication.

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There is a general stigma that the public has about couples counseling. Be it shame or guilt that you feel because you assume that you should be able to figure it out on your own with your partner; most couples find it difficult to accept the fact that therapy can help. Unfortunately, most couples do eventually realize that they need couples counseling, however, by then, it may be overdue to seek the help you need. Here are 10 signs to watch for that is a good indication that you and your partner should try couples therapy for professional advice.

1. There is No Intimacy in Your Relationship

One of the few initial signs of a deteriorating romantic relationship is the lack of intimacy due to a lack of interest by either or both parties. It isn’t uncommon for your sex life to wind down a bit after being in the relationship for a length of time. However, there are concerns if there are substantial changes in the frequencies of being intimate with each other. If sex has not happened for a length of time or if sex becomes robotic and cold, couple’s counseling and even sex therapy should be considered.

Read: Common Misconceptions About Marital Therapy

2. Fear of Communicating With Each Other

When arguments get blown out of proportion, fear can be built amongst specific topics of discussion, leading couples to avoid conversations altogether. It can be something as minute as annoying little habits that can eventually lead to a communication breakdown. If a partner is afraid to bring up specific issues, a licensed therapist can assist during the couple’s counseling session to clear up misunderstandings and steer a conversation healthily.

Healthy boundaries are key to maintaining a fulfilling and respectful relationship, but many people struggle with setting and enforcing them. In this blog post, How to Set Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship without Being Controlling, we’ll explore why boundaries are so important, common barriers to setting them, and practical tips for creating and maintaining boundaries that work for you and your partner. Whether you’re dealing with boundary violations, unclear expectations, or simply want to improve your communication skills, this post will provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to establish healthy boundaries that promote trust, understanding, and intimacy. From setting clear limits and communicating your needs to recognizing and respecting your partner’s boundaries, we’ll cover everything you need to know to create a relationship that fosters mutual respect, trust, and happiness.

3. Resentment

Arguments between couples come and go, but if you find that you are always resentful towards your partner, then you will need help addressing underlying issues. Couples counseling professionals often find that if their clients do not resolve past hurts and previous arguments, every future conversation will be tainted with negative feelings. Your tone towards your partner will resemble one full of guilt, shame, judgment, and insecurities, which will not be well received, leading to further arguments.

Don’t let anger and resentment damage your relationships. Our blog post, “Forgiveness in Relationships: How to Let Go of Anger & Resentment,” provides actionable advice and strategies to help you practice forgiveness and create more meaningful connections.

4. Lack of Trust

A healthy relationship starts with trust, but trust is hard to earn and easy to breach. A couple that has put trust issues on the back burner is likely to feel the wrath of the breach of trust later on down the road. You may begin to see your partner as the enemy and feel as if you guys are on different sides. A couple should be on the same team, and emotional support should be sought from each other rather than outside the relationship with your friends, coworkers, and family members. When a partner develops a reliance on support outside of their spouse, it is an indication to seek couple’s counseling.

5. Keeping Secrets

As an individual, you have the rights to your privacy. However, as a couple, if you have secrets from each other, that can be disastrous for any relationship. Maintaining secret friendships, undisclosed financial resources, or where you spend your time are tremendous breaches of trust in relationships. Something is not right when a partner chooses to disclose some of their life, but not everything in their life is open to their partner.

6. Dishonesty about Finances

Marriages end and couples break up mainly because of finances and issues with managing money within a household. When a couple does not have a consensus about their funds, it is not long before significant arguments may ensue. Being dishonest about financial information such as purchases, credit card statements, and hidden receipts can lead to breaches of trust within a relationship. Seek help with couple’s counseling services, if this is the case, to address arguments about money immediately.

Struggling to find the strength to walk away from a relationship scarred by betrayal? Our latest blog post, “When To Walk Away After Infidelity: 7 Signs It’s Time to Leave” provides valuable insights on recognizing the signs that staying is no longer in your best interest.

7. His Life and Her Life

It may seem innocent at first; he has his beer buddies while she has her Merlot friends. However, if most social time is spent outside of the home away from one another, a couple should be concerned enough to consider couple’s therapy. While most families have hectic schedules in this day and age, a couple should not feel like roommates within a household. There may be periods of time where a couple will go through phases of disconnect, but it should not be a long-term without communication or intimacy. Spending long periods of time apart where one or both of you are no longer very interested in each other’s activities or life is a strong indication that both of you should book an appointment for couples counseling.

8. When One of the Partners Are Thinking about or Having an Affair

Even if you are just thinking of having an affair, it is enough evidence that you are seeking for something your mate cannot provide for you, regardless of whether that’s physical or emotional desires. Everyone fantasizes at some point or muse on what it would be like to be with someone else. Nonetheless, if either party have had an affair or begins to consider the plans for an affair, it is vital to consult with a couple’s counseling service to work out the best option to move forward. Instead of jumping into nasty litigations for a divorce, consider asking with a professional therapist to resolve the infidelity healthily first.

9. Lack of Communication

The deterioration of all relationships begins with the breakdown of communications. If you and your partner are starting to notice changes in the frequency of your interactions and quality of your conversations, it is imperative to consider the help of a professional in couples counseling.

You may believe that dating and relationships will get rid of loneliness. But it is not always the case. You can be in a relationship and still feel sadly alone. Here’s our guide to overcoming loneliness in a relationship.

10. When Your Arguments Are Ongoing and Unresolved

Challenges in how to communicate effectively with a spouse can be stressful in a relationship. Every couple has their unique set of problems and disagreements that can last for a long time. When your arguments seem to repeat itself without a resolution in sight, it may be a good sign that you and spouse may need to commit to getting help. A couple’s counseling professional can help you learn new methods of communications to find common ground with your partner so that a healthy compromise can be made to move on with your relationship.

Remember, all couples go through their ups and down, but if your relationship is in distress, or you just could use a little help around particular issues, you can contact us for couples counseling. We’re also available for online counseling for the residents in California, Colorado, and Texas.