What does it mean to be grieving?
Grief, as it is commonly misunderstood, isn’t just about recovering from a loss brought on by death. So what is grief? What does it mean to be grieving?
Going by the straight Dictionary.com definition, grief is: “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss.”
This definition is a pretty good one, but Grief Recovery takes it one step further: “Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
Because grief isn’t just about loss in the commonly understood way. We all experience loss in all types of change, but rarely do we recognize the emotional process we go through in extreme changes as grief.
Why do we experience grief with a move?
Just like with any big changes, moving brings a loss with it.
While you gain new experiences, new opportunities, new relationships and a new environment, you also lose those from your old life. Your past home, your friends, your job, your routine, they all stay back while you move on.
When this happens, we can be overwhelmed by an array of strong emotions.
Sadness, over what we have lost.
Excitement, over what we have to gain.
Fear, over the unknown.
Frustration, over the time it takes to adjust.
Anxiety, over making the “wrong” decision.
All of these emotions are strong in and of themselves, but when we are feeling them all at once it can be especially difficult to navigate. The fear is in conflict with the excitement which is in conflict with the sadness which is in conflict with the frustration, and on and on.
This process, this range of conflicting emotions that comes with change, is called grieving.
How can we manage it?
While there is no quick fix for grief (just like the rest of our feelings, the best thing we can do is give ourselves space to feel it) there are a few ways you can ease the overwhelm that comes with it. Recognizing your grief and giving yourself a chance the experience it instead of trying to push it away will help you through the process without feeling like you’re totally losing control.
Here are a few ways you can work on managing your moving grief:
1). Give Yourself a Chance to Say Goodbye
Even if you are moving for a positive reason (a better job, a nicer home, a new step in a relationship, etc.) you are still leaving a place you called home. And no matter how long it was your home, it provided you a space you needed in your life. Give yourself time to express gratitude for the experiences you had there, the comfort you found, the happiness you had there. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting all of those good things. Giving yourself a chance to reflect on what you built in that place and expressing gratitude for it can actually help you feel more at ease with your move. You have gotten all you need to from this home, and now it is time to move onto the next.
2). Give Yourself a Chance to Say Hello
Part of what makes moving so scary, is often we have this sense of not knowing what comes next. You had a routine at your old home, you knew what was coming each day. When you move away, everything is new and different.
Just as it’s important to say goodbye to the phase of your life that you’re leaving, welcoming in the new phase is vital. Reflect on how you grew at your old home, and think of how you want to grow in this new phase of your life. Remind yourself the reasons for your move. Spend time thinking of the opportunities you have to gain, and what you want to make of this new environment.
3). Don’t Block Out Your Old Life Completely
Transitioning into a new place is hard. Don’t make it harder on yourself by completely getting rid of your old life. Do you have routines you like to stick to? See if you can work them into your life at your new home. Do you usually get together with a friend for lunch? While you’re adjusting and transitioning, see if you can have that lunch date over the phone. Small things like that can help the transition easier, and help you manage the conflicting feelings you have over the move. It helps you establish something new without completely cutting off the old.