What to Say to a Grieving Person

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Asma Rehman, LPC

Asma Rehman stands as a distinguished figure in the field of grief recovery, embodying unparalleled expertise, experience, and trustworthiness. As the founder and director of the Grief Recovery Center, her professional journey is deeply interwoven with her personal experiences of loss, driving her to create a sanctuary for those navigating their grief. Certified as a Grief Recovery Specialist®️ and in Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM), Asma's qualifications reflect her profound commitment to providing empathetic, specialized support. The Grief Recovery Center, under her leadership, has grown from a modest practice to a comprehensive group practice, offering a safe, judgment-free space for all forms of grief and loss.


Asma's vision extends beyond traditional grief support, recognizing the complex nature of loss, whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or more nuanced forms of grief. Her approach is holistic and inclusive, ensuring that the Grief Recovery Center remains a cornerstone of hope and healing. Through her expertise and heartfelt dedication, Asma Rehman has established herself as a trusted authority in helping individuals heal and find peace amidst their most challenging times.

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Last week I shared what not to say to a grieving person. This week, I want to focus on what to say to a grieving person.

I can’t imagine how you feel – this is one of the best statements you can say to a griever, for good reasons. Because you don’t know how someone feels, this statement is accurate. Sure you can relate to how someone else may feel but you will never know how someone is feeling. So when people say, “I know how you feel,” that is inaccurate. Only the griever knows how he/she feels because he/she had a unique relationship with the loss. Also, this is an open-ended statement so it gives the griever the option to decide if they want to talk about the loss or if they don’t want to talk about their loss.

Read: Self-Care When Grieving

What happened? – You mean I’m encouraging you to ask the griever to talk about their loss? Yes! That is right. This question is short and simple, yet so powerful. Grievers want to be given an opportunity to share about their loss. Most people avoid grievers, leaving them isolated. The reality is, grieving people want and need to be heard.

I just heard what happened and I don’t know what to say – It’s common for people to not know what to say or be afraid of saying the wrong things, to a griever. This statement is helpful because you are a) being truthful and b) acknowledging the loss. It’s okay not to know what to say, but it’s helpful to communicate that with the griever. It’s not okay to avoid the griever completely, because you are at a loss for words.

I’m sorry – though many people say their sorry, it may not be perceived as being helpful. This statement is generally helpful IF you knew the person who died. Or else, it often gets the verbal and non-verbal response of, “You’re sorry? Why? You didn’t even know the person.” If you want to acknowledge the loss, you’re better off saying, “I was sorry to hear about your loss,” rather than, “I’m sorry.”

Hope you are now better equipped to talk to a grieving person.

From My Heart To Yours,
Asma

Source: The Grief Recovery Institute^®